my invented heritage.

Since the Novembers hail from deepest Poland and our name was randomly assigned, there's no way I can have any of those special "heritage" things. (Calendars don't count.)

I've always wished I could, though, so when Kellie Hultgren offered to make me a coat of arms, I knew exactly what I wanted ... down to the Latin motto.

Kellie describes the blazon as: "Per chevron sable gules and sable, two flaying knives in chevron points to the center argent and in base a cigarette in an ashtray argent, and on a chief argent, two open books gules. Crest: a griffin passant gules membered or; in an escroll under the shield, 'Permaximam posco ad legendum solitudinem'."

Do I know what the above actually means? No, I do not. But I can tell you this:

• The griffin is further explained here.
• The books are obvious.
• The knives reference my repeated semi-joking desire to stab annoying and/or stupid people in the face.
• The cigarette in the ashtray is also obvious. (If you've never met me, let me break it to you now: I am a smoker.)
• The Latin motto was translated from the English by the esteemed Peter Dickinson (Eton and Cambridge). (I am not going to tell you what it means.)